Mystery Shopper Scam

Part 1

I received the following email yesterday. It arrived in my inbox (Gmail) and not my spam folder; strangely not picked up by Google's spam filter.

from David Williams    reply-to david.w090@gmail.com to date 14 September 2010 22:32 subject * Mystery shopper needed *

hide details 22:32 (18 hours ago)

--

We have a mystery shopping assignment in your area and your wages is

200$per assignment,The job Entails Evaluation process,visiting

Walmart,Cashier Check ,Bank Transfer e.t.c Send below information to get

started Full Name,Address (no PO box) City, State, Zip code 4. Tell phone

I don't have to tell you that it's spam. Iinitially it's not quite as brazen as a Nigerian 419, I suppose. Nevertheless, the clues are there and it's pretty obvious. For the purposes of full disclosure, I actually heard about this particular scam on the radio earlier in the week.

The premise is as follows:

• You tell them you're interested in participating and send your details.
• They email you your first assignment and tell you they've wired money to your account.
• The assignment is to send money to an overseas destination via Western Union and critique the transfer process and customer service provided by Western Union.

Of course, their wire transfer to your account is bogus. So they're hoping people will perform the Western Union transfer under the impression that they'll be reimbursed by the incoming bank transfer (that will never arrive).

Okay, so, now we all know the outcome.

But I'm going to string this shitbag along anyway.

Stay tuned for updates as I engage in protracted nonsensical e-mail correspondence.

Part 2

Here's my response:
--------------------------

Hello,

Thank you for your e-mail.

I would like to participate in your assignment in my area. The wages 200$ is very generous.

You mention Walmart in my area. I am not sure if there is a Walmart in my area. Please confirm this.

I am sending below information:

Ebel Jonathan

69 Shatner's Basoon

Upyourarse

90210

--------------------------
Anyone with half a brain would dismiss my reply as utter rubbish.
But not this guy.
Here's his response:

--------------------------

from David Williams to Goodluck Jonathan date Wed, Sep 15, 2010 at 5:30 PM subject Re: * Mystery shopper needed *

your address is incomplete kindly get back to us with your full address asap thank you.

best regards

David Williams

--------------------------

To say my address is incomplete is an understatement.  

Anyway, I responded with:

--------------------------

Dear David,

Thank you for your reply.

I am not sure what you mean by "incomplete". I have been living at this address for almost fifty years. 

Please tell me what other information you need from me.

besto reegardz,

Ebel

--------------------------

SEXY SUBPLOT:

Noticed this contextual ad amongst my e-mails:

It redirects to a crowd called Gfk Mystery Shopping. 

To save you the trip, this is their homepage:

The red headline down on the bottom right alerts visitors to the very scam to which this whole page is dedicated.  Clicking it opens a press release by Gfk (in pdf format). 

Hmm...the date on this press release is April 2009. So this scam must be an annual cyclical thing?


End of subplot


Part 3

His reply:
-------------------

David Williams to me

show details 5:58 PM (17 minutes ago)

Full Names:

Address:(Not P.O Box Please)

City:

State:

Zip code:

Cell Number:

Home Number:

Nationality:

Age:

Thanks

David Williams.

Flash Concepts Inc.

----------------------------

and mine:

----------------------------

Hi David,

Thank you for your reply.

The information you have asked for below is slightly different to the information you asked for initially.

If you had asked for the information below initially, you could have saved both of us some time and effort in writing extra e-mails.

Unfortunately time is not on my side. If my life were a soccer match, say, a Champions League final, my life would be somewhere in injury time. I imagine around the ninety-two minute mark. The losing team is down by one goal and the winning team is defending like lions, having withstood a barrage of shots on goal by the losing team that is now playing with four forwards in a desperate attempt to score an equaliser.

I'm not sure which team will actually win this match as I'm not a particularly big fan of soccer.

Anyway, the point I wished to make is I would like to proceed with your assignment as soon as possible without the delay of excessive e-mail correspondence.

Please reply if you understand my wishes.

bestest regardez,

Jonathan

---------------------

Part 4


Damn.


No reply today :(


Pretty sure he's copped it by now. To make sure, I prod him.

---------------------

Dear David,

I am waiting for your e-mail.

I have given you the information below.

I await further instructions.

Full Names: Ebel Jonathan

Address:69 Shatner's Basoon

City: Upyourarse

State: State Of Yourarse

Zip code: 90210

Cell Number: 0857325555

Home Number: 02174593

Nationality: UK

Age: 69

I have included a picture of me waiting.

You can see from my photo that I am quite eager to receive your reply.

I can probably guess what you're thinking when you see it. So allow me to categorically state that, no, I am not in any way related to Chester Cobblepot.  I am actually insulted that you think so.

Deeply insulted.

Just like that Dire Straits song, "The Insulted of Swing", or something....I don't quite remember. I sort of lost interest in that band after Mark Knopfler did the soundtrack to that movie where Columbo dresses up like Commissioner Gordon and reads a bedtime story to Fred Savage.

Anyway, I await your instructions.

Ebel End

RESULT

This guy must have Sherlock Holmes DNA or something because he has seen through my ploy and correctly and successfully deduced that I, like him, have misrepresented myself.

His response:

I'm guessing this is Nigerian Pidgin. Am I wrong? Any translators out there?
Did he say something about my mother?

fin